What makes an ex-boyfriend come back after a breakup

By David Coates

After a break-up… both people feel the pain of the break-up… especially the dumpee.

The key to getting him back… is to make him want you back. If you approach the situation from you wanting him back… you are giving him all the power… and that’s not good. He must really want you.

I know that may sound like a tough call… and you may be thinking that it can’t be done… but over the past twenty-nine years… I’ve helped over one hundred and seventy women get their ex’s back into their lives… and making HIM want YOU is one of the most important keys to getting him back… and it can be done… sometimes it’s actually pretty easy to do.

First you need to know what makes an ex-boyfriend want to come back after the break-up.

The Good and Poor Reasons Your Ex-Boyfriend Would Want You Back

Here I am going to tell you all of the reasons I have encountered that make an ex-boyfriend want to get back together with his ex.

The first thing you need to know is… not all of the reasons are good reasons. So… I have broken these reasons up into two groups.

Group #1 Good reasons. These are all the good reasons I have encountered over the years… for an ex-boyfriend to want you back in his life. When you influence your ex to want you back for any of these good reasons… you will be almost guaranteed a very successful and happy relationship with him back in your arms… and your life.

Group #2 Poor reasons. All that really matters… is you and your boyfriend having a stable and happy future together. If he wants you back for any other reason… your long-term happiness will be at risk… and it’s not worth getting him back for poor reasons… just to make the pain of the break up go away… and condemn yourself to an unhappy future.

The Good Reasons…

I chose all these reasons… because over the past twenty-nine years I’ve seen the same situations occur over and over again… I find it easy to spot a relationship that’s in trouble… and one that’s going to last.

Having a stutter is a real pain… especially when you want to say something… but I’ve become a very good listener… so people just open up to me.

I guess from their point of view I had difficulty speaking… so I couldn’t betray their trust.

So… all of what I’m going to tell you is based on at least one hundred (maybe ever two hundred) couples breaking up… getting back together again… and sometimes breaking up all over again. Plus my own experiences.

Good Reason #1 He Believes You Are the Best

If you think back to your history of boyfriends… there will be one who stands out above all the rest. There was one thing (and a few other smaller) qualities about him you really liked… and still remember today.

Men… feel exactly the same way. Every man will have in his mind, a memory of one women… whom he will never forget. One quality she had, along with a small number of other qualities he really liked… which made her so memorable.

Even if she cheated on him… he will still remember her in a positive way…

You see… a man’s natural instinct is to be promiscuous. All men would love to have relationships with lots of women… before settling down with just one woman. Sometimes… the woman he would like to settle down with was a woman he broke up with a few months ago. In your case… this woman could be you.

Right now he could be regretting his decision to finish with you… because you were ‘the best’.

I’ve seen this situation over and over again.

Some men don’t want to commit to a woman he truly wants to be with because he hasn’t slept with enough women… or had enough experience with different types of women.

Now the big question is… in your ex-boyfriends mind… are you ‘the best’… the one he wants to settle down with?

There is of course no way to know this… but your goal with a man should always be… to be such a ‘good’ girlfriend… that no other woman can compete with you.

Good Reason #2 He Hasn’t Got the Courage to Apologise

Everyone has had the experience of been so angry towards someone… that you say things you don’t mean… and regret it later. With regard to your breakup… did you have a big argument before he broke up with you? If you did… there’s a chance the break up was caused simply because he was angry, or couldn’t handle a certain situation.

When you are in a relationship… we all tend to magnify everything the other person does, says etc… (we do it to try and predict the future.) Women are always looking for the meaning behind something he does or says…

This magnification is the primary cause of arguments, especially in new relationships… and the primary cause of breakups.

When you argue, your brain activity rises… and the higher your brain activity… the more difficult you find it to think and reason. When you calm down… your brain activity becomes a lot lower… and you regain your ability to think… that’s when you realise what you said… and regret it.

A lot of people find it hard to apologise… which is why so many relationships end after an argument. It’s easier to breakup… than to apologise.

Good Reason #3 He Misses the Routine You Had

All couples fall into a routine. Some routines are pretty regimental… others are pretty flexible… but there is always some routine there. This is because… as children… we all had a routine. You got up at 07:30, had breakfast at 08:00, got ready for school at 08:15, set off for school at 08:40 to arrive at school for 09:05 etc…

When you got your first job you created your own similar routine…

Since we have all be conditioned from childhood to operate in a routine… this carries through to your relationship.

Now… when you broke up… HIS routine was smashed up… and we all have difficulty adjusting to a new routine.

So… one of the reasons he will be missing you right now… is because he misses the routine he had with you… and only YOU can give him that routine back. This gives you power over him.

Good Reason #4 He Misses YOU

When you miss someone… it means the connection you had has been broken. The more you miss them… the stronger the connection. If you fall out with a man… and you never really felt like he understood you… or you never felt like you had an emotional connection with him… you won’t really miss him after a break up.

You may miss the companionship… the romance… but you won’t miss HIM.

So… if he misses YOU… this is a very powerful for him wanting you back.

The Poor Reasons

I’m pretty sure that as you are reading this… you will do pretty much anything to get him back into your life… so you can feel warm and comfortable been held in his arms again… but… I’ve seen between one hundred and two relationships over the last twenty nine years… and if you get back together for the wrong reason… your relationship will fail in the long term.

Sure… you feel great in the short term… after all… you have him back… but the smart move is to look to the long term.

Poor Reason #1 He is Bored

If he wants you back because he’s bored… this means he can’t entertain himself… and needs you to give him something to do.

Would this make you feel wanted… special… loved… knowing that you are there for entertainment?


In the short term things will be ok… but in the long term… the relationship will fall apart… because it’s built on a weak foundation.

Poor Reason #2 Sex

I recommend you read my article on ex-boyfriends who use you.

If you want a happy, successful long term relationship with him… the relationship must be built on a solid foundation. Sex is ok to begin with… but in the long term… it won’t be enough to keep you both together.

If his only reason for wanting you back is sex… you may believe that in time he will learn to love YOU… the person you are… but this is unlikely. He is much more likely to move on after he gets bored with you… at least that’s what I’ve seen happen over and over again.

Poor Reason #3 He Feels Jealous Because You Are Dating Another Man

Jealousy is a huge motivator… but it’s only temporary. You see… if he sees you with another man… feels jealous… and you both get back together again… his feeling of jealousy will go away… along with his reason for wanting to be with you.

You will break up again… a lot quicker than you got back together again.

Whatever his reason for wanting you back… the reason has to be permanent… else you will break up again.

Here’s what to do now

First… download a copy of my Case Study… where you will discover how my ex-girlfriend Sarah got me back after six months apart.

You will also discover how to get the very important first date with your ex-boyfriend… where he wants to meet up with you. Even if you have already met up with him since your break-up… he most likely wasn’t ready to crawl through broken glass to see you.

This case study shows you how to make him WANT to see you again.


Next… after your successful first date… you must escalate from meeting for a simple cup of coffee and a chat… to dating him again. You do this by…

Changing how he feels about you…

I’ve got a simple four step system for you to copy… which is based on how my ex Sarah got me back into her life.


free-case-study - m coffee-to-dating-m