What Makes an ex boyfriend want to come back after a break up.

By David Coates

If you want to get your ex-boyfriend back into your life… you must first understand what makes an ex WANT to come back to you.

Once you understand this… actually getting him back will become easier.

If you have already decided you want him back… and are ready to proceed… click here.

Text Your Ex Back

The Three Reasons He Will Come Back to You…

I am now going to tell you all the reasons I know of… that will make your ex-boyfriend want to come back to you.

After twenty-nine years of listening to hundreds of men and women talk to me about their relationships and their problems… I realised that not all reasons are good.

Because I’m in the middle… I hear both the woman’s point of view… and the man’s point of view. I hear all the reasons for wanting to get back together again… and I see the end result. Sometimes the new relationship lasts… other times it doesn’t.

The overall mind set of the man when he decides to get back together with his ex is very important as well.

Some of the reasons your ex may want you back… are actually very bad reasons. They are good in the short-term… but in the long-term you will only break up again. (I’ve seen this happen over and over again.)

Other reasons are ok, and other reasons are great… and I’ve seen lots of couples get back together again for these reasons.

So I’ve divided up the reasons into three groups. Good reasons, ok reasons and bad reasons.

The Three Good Reasons

I’ll start with these first, since these give you the best chance of forming a new and long-lasting relationship with your ex-boyfriend.

Good Reason #1 He thinks you are the best.

I’m forty-two years old… and over the course of my life… I’ve had a lot of friends. Almost all of my male friends have one big thing in common.

When they recall their past girlfriends… there is always one woman who really stood out from the rest. It wasn’t the most beautiful, or the most sexy, or even the best in bed… there were just some qualities she had… he REALLY loved. But… at the time he didn’t realise that. It was only after the break-up he realised this.

And… on a deep level… they all secretly miss that woman.

I’m just the same.

About seven years ago now… I really F***** up with a woman I really liked called Samantha. (as a man I struggle to use the word loved) At the time I didn’t care about our break up… but a few months after… I really regretted how I acted.

I didn’t bother trying to get her back… because I was seeing her best friends seventeen year old little sister (yeah yeah I know that was kinda wrong)… but for me… she was the one that got away.

I had her… I really f***** it all up, dumped her… and I sooooo regret it… even now… seven years later.

If she got back in touch… I’d jump at the chance to be with her again… and this time I wouldn’t f*** it all up.

Whenever I see a couple get back together… because he thinks she is ‘the best’, the relationship ALWAYS lasts.

Does YOUR ex-boyfriend think YOU are the best?

There’s no way for me to know that. All I can tell you… is your aim should be to become such a ‘good’ girlfriend… no other woman could ever compete with you in the relationship.

To discover exactly what to do to get him back into your life… click here.

Text Your Ex Back

Good Reason #2 He made a rash decision.

Men (and women) make rash decisions or heat of the moment decisions… which we sometimes regret later.

This is because when you are angry… your brain activity is high… and your ability to think is reduced.

When you calm down later… your ability to think returns… and then… you realise what you said and regret it.

This is exactly how I ditched Samantha. There was nothing wrong with our relationship, in fact everything was great…

However… I’d just become self-employed (my career was a total disaster), and I was going through a period of change in my life. Going from a full time job to self-employed is a huge change… and I became very independent.

All the normal things we used to do as a couple… I interpreted as…

“She’s trying to take over my life” which she wasn’t.

All the decisions she made for us, which I was previously happy with… I began to resent… because I was adjusting to a new way of life (self-employed).

I kept on fighting her, disagreeing with her, and one day during such an argument… I ditched her… and I told her she was too controlling (which she wasn’t).

Later… I realised what an idiot I’d been… but I couldn’t bring myself to apologise to her… so instead I justified my decision to myself by telling myself she was a weak domineering woman wanted to control my life and I was better off without her… (which was all complete bollocks).

Thinking back… a thirty day no contact period wouldn’t have been enough. Ninety days would have been much better. If she had got back in touch with me after ninety days… I would have jumped at the chance to see her again…

But alas… I never heard from her ever again.

My point is… your break up could have been caused by a rash decision… and he (like me) may not have the courage to admit his mistake.

If this is the case… your only decision is… should you take him back or not?

Don’t talk to him about ‘the breakup’ too much… it will make him feel very uncomfortable. He doesn’t want to be reminded of his mistake.

Good Reason #3: He Misses the Routine

Every couple falls into some kind of daily, weekly or monthly routine… things you both do together on a regular basis.

The same applies to your own life… you have a routine you follow when you wake up…

Our lives are governed by routines… and we need them like we need water.

Now, every couple has a unique routine. If you were to write these routines down on a piece of paper they may look the same… but they FEEL very different.

You may be taken to a restaurant by two different men at different times… but the experience feels different… even though it’s the same experience.

If your ex liked the routine you two had together… he will miss that routine… and out of all the other women walking around on planet Earth… only YOU can give him those feelings.

If he misses the routine… he misses you.

The ‘Ok’ Reason He Want’s You Back

There is only one reason that he want’s you back… that I would call an ok reason. This is… he misses you.

Some women have told me it’s ‘sweet’ or ‘cute’ when a man misses her… maybe it is… but… is this really a good basis for a relationship?

Ok, so he misses you… you think that’s sweet and you take him back. What is the attraction now based on?

He’s got what he wants… you… what happens next?

Where’s the love, the romance… the passion? How is this going to hold the relationship together during all the ups and down. Love can hold a relationship together… but the fact that he missed you after you broke up… can never hold a relationship together.

It’s like me and you going out on a date… having a great time… and me thinking you are adequate. It isn’t quiet enough is it.

Now adequate may change to something better… and we end up falling in love and living happily ever after… but… it’s unlikely that would happen.

The Three Bad Reasons

I understand that as you are reading this… you miss your ex and feel like a part of you has been taken away from you… and you would do almost anything to get him back.

If you take him back for the wrong reasons… you will feel great in the short term… but you are unlikely to form a lasting relationship with him.

Never let your feelings control you… you should be strong… and YOU should control your feelings.

Bad Reason #1: He is bored

This is similar to taking him back because he misses you. You can’t build a relationship on the foundation of ‘he gets bored without having you around’.

Him wanting you back because he’s bored is just the same as him wanting you back because you are the best he can do at the moment. It’s a weak reason… and won’t make you feel loved… wanted… cared for…

When you implement the no contact rule, boredom can very easily trigger him to texting you, and re-connecting with you. He won’t tell you he’s bored… but it could be the reason.

Now, if you do take him back because he’s bored… you may be able to create a long-term stable relationship with him… but only take him back if you are sure you can do this.

Bad Reason #2: Sex

I’ve written a great article on ex-boyfriends who use you. If you haven’t read in yet, here’s the link.

How to know if your ex is using you

When I broke up with Samantha… I ran straight into the arm of her best friend’s seventeen year old sister. The reason I did this was… sex!

When I lost Samantha I also my sex partner.

If Sarah or any other wasn’t interested in me… my attention would go straight back to Samantha… because she was the woman most likely to sleep with me.

So, if he wants you back just for sex… that may be ok in the short-term… but is that a good reason in the long term?

Bad Reason #3: He thinks the grass is greener…

Have you ever heard ‘the grass always looks greener on the other side’ story?

If you haven’t… here is the quick version of the story.

Every morning Mary the farmer gets up at 05:00, makes herself a cup of coffee and walks up the hill overlooking her farm whilst her lazy husband lies in bed snoring away.

She looks over her own farm… notices how the grass looks a little bit dull even though it’s been raining… then Mary looks at her neighbour Nancy’s farm.

The grass on Nancy’s farm looks a deep and rich green colour… so much nicer and more fertile than her own farm.

Mary sighs… turns around to walk down the hill and do her chores.

Over at Nancy’s farm… Nancy also gets up at 05:00. Makes herself a cup of coffee and walks up a hill which overlooks her own farm… and she also notices how dull and unhealthy the grass looks.

She looks over at Mary’s farm… and the grass always looks so much richer, greener and more fertile than her own farm.

She sighs… turns around and prepares to drag her lazy husband out of bed…

Around lunchtime… both Mary and Nancy go to town to pick up supplies. They bump into each other and get talking.

During the conversation they both discover that they are both unhappy with their own farm… the think the other farm is better.

So… they decide to swap farms.

After the swap… both wife’s and husbands are happy.

About two months after the farm swap… Mary gets up at 05:00. She makes herself a cup of coffee and walks up the hill overlooking the farm… and can’t help but notice how dull the grass looks… even though it’s just rained.

Then… she looks over at Nancy’s farm (the farm which used to be hers)… and the grass just looks so much greener… healthier… more fertile…

Over at Nancy’s farm… she gets up at 05:00… also makes herself a cup of coffee… walks up the hill that overlooks the farm…

You know what I going to say.

How does this story apply to your ex?

If he broke up with you because he thought the grass was greener with another woman… and he realises it isn’t… he could then want you back.

If you take him back for this reason… I would suggest that would be a bad idea. Because… he is blaming you for the reason he is unhappy with the relationship. If he thinks the grass is greener and moves on to another woman… and realises the grass isn’t greener… and wants to go back to you… the problem clearly lies with HIM… not the relationship… and not you.

Whenever I have seen a couple get back together for this reason… they always break up again a short time later… and it’s always him that breaks up with her.

Here’s what to do now

First… download a copy of my Case Study… where you will discover how my ex-girlfriend Sarah got me back after six months apart.

You will also discover how to get the very important first date with your ex-boyfriend… where he wants to meet up with you. Even if you have already met up with him since your break-up… he most likely wasn’t ready to crawl through broken glass to see you.

This case study shows you how to make him WANT to see you again.


Next… after your successful first date… you must escalate from meeting for a simple cup of coffee and a chat… to dating him again. You do this by…

Changing how he feels about you…

I’ve got a simple four step system for you to copy… which is based on how my ex Sarah got me back into her life.


free-case-study - m coffee-to-dating-m