The No Contact Rule Explained


By David Coates


This rule is real easy to understand… but sometimes difficult to actually do.


Over the past twenty-nine years I’ve helped over one hundred and seventy women get their ex-boyfriends back into their lives… and the no contact rule is THE most powerful tool you have… to getting him back… and it’s one of the most difficult rules to follow.


You simply have no contact what so ever with your ex-boyfriend for thirty days, after the break up. No e-mail, texting, Facebook etc…


Sounds easy… but… for some people… the desire to fire off a quick text message can be VERY strong.


My goal for this article is to tell you exactly how to use the no contact rule… and why you must use it. (Hint… it puts you in a stronger position to make it easier for you to get him back into your life)


Over the years… I’ve seen so many women fail to get their ex’s back… simply because they didn’t know about… or follow the no contact rule.


A lot of them… in my opinion… could have quite easily got him back into their lives… because the break-up wasn’t what I would call a ‘fatal’ break up.


I wrote this article to save you from making this mistake.


Getting Down to it… Does The No Contact Rule Really Help Get Your Ex Back?


Yes. Getting an ex-boyfriend back isn’t always a simple straightforward process. Some people believe that all you have to do to get him back is ignore him for a few weeks… and he will come running back.


Unfortunately… that is rarely the case. The no contact rule is simply one of the ingredients you need in the ‘get him back’ recipe.


If you want complete step-by-step instructions… on how to get your ex-boyfriend back… then this is what you need… Text Your Ex Back


The No Contact Rule


The no contact rule is a conscious decision you make… to have no contact at all with your ex-boyfriend… for four weeks. No contact means…


Do not ring your ex.


Do not text your ex.


Do not e-mail your ex.


Do not leave him a note or ask someone to pass a note to him.


Do not ‘accidently’ bump into him… the old “Oh… I didn’t think you’d be here.”


How Long is The No Contact Period?


As crazy as it is… ‘experts’ actually argue about how long the no contact period should be. Some say two weeks, some say four weeks… some say three months… who is right?


Answer: nobody.


Each relationship and break up is different… so you have to do what feels right for you. The aim of the no contact period is to give yourself and your ex time apart, so he can calm down about whatever caused the breakup… and you can get yourself prepared to get him back.


Trying to get him back whilst the break up is fresh in both your minds is very difficult. As the old saying goes… ‘time heals all wounds’.


Some people worry about this no contact period.


Question: “Won’t I lose all chance of getting him back if I’m out of his life for a few weeks? Won’t he just move on?”


Answer: No. It will take him time to form a relationship with another woman… just like it took him time to form a relationship with you. New relationships are always fragile… don’t take much for them to break.


Sometimes Contact is Un-avoidable


Sometimes you will not be able to break all contact with your ex. In these situations you have to behave in a certain way.


First, don’t be a bitch… to him… or any new woman in his life. Your goal is to let him think you have accepted it’s over and you are ok with it (even if inside you REALLY) want him back).


You want to guard your cards… not reveal them to him.


This makes him think to himself…


“Hmm. Why isn’t she reacting to me. Doesn’t she like me anymore? Has she found someone new?”


You see… all men secretly want to feel like we have power over the women we have slept with. So... if you communicate to him that he has no power over you… you will really get his attention… which is what you want.


You communicate this to him by using the thirty day no contact period.


If You Have Children with Him


Here you can’t ignore him. Be diplomatic, calm, pleasant and polite. Don’t reveal your cards. Keep all conversations about ‘business’ only… for thirty days.


If You Have to Live With Him


This is awkward… but… you can use this situation to your advantage. Here… you create the illusion that you are starting a new life without him. Again… be pleasant, polite and only talk about ‘business’.


If He Contacts You


The temptation here will be to jump at the chance to try and get him back… but… without having thirty days of no contact… the odds are you will blow it. You must do your very best to resist the temptation.


If he does contact you for any reason… that’s a very good sign… so the thirty day no contact period will be high effective with him. Again… only talk ‘business’… don’t talk about anything personal.


Oops… You Broke the Rule


Some people think it’s easy to cut their ex out of their lives for thirty days… but… it isn’t. The no contact rule also means you should also not ‘think’ about your ex for thirty days. Remember… the no contact period is for YOU to get yourself mentally prepared to get him back… as well as letting him calm down.


So… if he’s always on your mind… you’ll struggle to get him back… because the balance of power will be all wrong. You will be wanting him back more than he wants you back… and that will reduce your chances of getting what you want.


So, if you break the rule, you have to start over. If you send him a text on day ten of the no contact period, you have to right back to the start and begin again from day one.


How to Fill Your Time


Do not become a hermit and refuse to go out.


Do not get too drunk (well… not too often anyway ).


Do not sleep or stay in bed longer than you normally do.


Do not make any big life decisions.


Do not smoke like a industrial chimney.


Do not feel guilty about the break up.


Etc…


Your goal during the thirty day no contact period is to become the best version of ‘you’… you can be.


You want your ex to see you in the near future and think…


“WOW!”


There are lots of reasons why couples break up. However… if you know your ex slowly lost interest in you over the course of the relationship, because he didn’t feel attracted to you any more… this is one of the areas you work on.


Become the most beautiful, attractive sexy version of you, you can be.


You don’t have to be a super-model to attract a man… nor do you have to be better looking than the new woman in his life.


Both men and women agree that personality, connection, compatibility, chemistry… are all more important than looks.


You simply want him to stop, look at you… and notice the positive change in you.


This will lead him to believe on a subconscious level… that you have changed in other areas too (thus making the ‘reason for the breakup’ no longer valid).


So… if you are over-weight… lose weight.


Stop giving money to the Tobacco Companies and spend it on yourself.


Buy new clothes, different to what you ‘usually’ wear.


Do anything you can to change how you ‘look’.


Mental Change is Just as Important as Physical Change


Changing how you look is only half of the change you need to make during the no contact period. You want him to not only notice a change in your appearance… but also in the way you act.


There isn’t space here for me to tell you all the mental changes you should make… but here are a few…


Acknowledge the fact that the old relationship you had with him is dead… and a new relationship with him is possible.


Figure out the ‘real’ cause of the breakup, and correct ‘that’ issue.


Listen to your friends. They are on the ‘outside’, so they can see things you miss.


Go out with your friends whenever you are invited.


If you get the chance to date someone new… do it. Just be a little bit discreet about it. Don’t announce it on Facebook. If your ex finds out you are dating someone new… it will magnify all the positive feelings about you he has… and shrink down all the negative feelings he has…because he now has proof that you are desired by other men… which will make him feel jealous.


Believe it or not… we men feel jealous when we see an ex-girlfriend WITH another man… doesn’t matter who ended it. We see her as ‘our’ property… even though she isn’t.


Five Reasons Why the No Contact Rule Works


First: Right now your emotions are all messed up… and you are unlikely to be thinking straight. Your ex is likely to be in a similar state. You both need time apart… to calm down and gather your thoughts.


Second: The no contact rule increases his desire for you. Even if you had a really bad break up… he still wants you. In his mind… the ‘reason for the breakup’ is stronger than his desire to have you in his arms. During no contact… his feelings regarding the ‘reason for the breakup’ will cloud over… letting his desire for you shine through.


Third: It switches the focus from arguing (negative emotions) to healing and recovery (positive emotions). After a break up it takes time for things to begin to settle down. Be patient.


Fourth: Stops an on/off relationship from starting. You know the type, you break up… you get back together… you break up again… you get back together again… a never ending cycle of breakups and getting back together again. This type of relationship is built on an unstable foundation. Your new relationship with your ex must be built on rock… not sand… where it can be swept away by the waves of arguments and disagreements. The no contact period helps do this.


Fifth: You will see the relationship and your ex differently… after a few weeks apart. This new perspective will help you decide if you really do want him back… or… if you simply want to move on.

Here’s what to do now


First… download a copy of my Case Study… where you will discover how my ex-girlfriend Sarah got me back after six months apart.


You will also discover how to get the very important first date with your ex-boyfriend… where he wants to meet up with you. Even if you have already met up with him since your break-up… he most likely wasn’t ready to crawl through broken glass to see you.


This case study shows you how to make him WANT to see you again.

DOWNLOAD CASE STUDY NOW

Next… after your successful first date… you must escalate from meeting for a simple cup of coffee and a chat… to dating him again. You do this by…

Changing how he feels about you…

I’ve got a simple four step system for you to copy… which is based on how my ex Sarah got me back into her life.

DOWNLOAD COFFEE TO DATING NOW

free-case-study - m coffee-to-dating-m