Mistakes a Woman Makes When Trying To Get Her Ex Back

By David Coates

Almost ALL women make mistakes… when trying to get their ex’s back. As an outsider… looking into someone else’s relationship… it’s easy to spot the mistakes.

Over the past twenty-nine years… I’ve helped over one hundred and seventy women get their ex-boyfriends back into their lives… and every time I spot a mistake… it hurts me… because I know exactly what she should do… but I can’t just open my mouth and bark out instructions.

Women don’t like that… so I have to wait until I’m asked… then out comes the flood of knowledge I have… and her eyes are opened… and she can see her relationship from a completely different angle.

This is why I have written this article. I see the pain a woman goes through… when she wants her ex back… and I want so much… to help.

So… this article is a big long list of all the mistakes I’ve seen women make over the past twenty-nine years I’ve been helping women with their relationships. I will also tell you how to fix the mistake… in case you have made it.

How will this help you?

Well… each mistake you make reduces the chances of your getting him back. If you make too many mistakes… it will become almost impossible to get him back into your life.

Mistake One: Incessant Texting…

When a couple split up… it’s very easy to keep firing off text messages to your ex… in the hope he will reply... and hope you and he will get back together.

This is like firing a gun at a target wearing a blindfold. You can shoot… but you can’t see the target… so you’ll miss every time.

When you text your ex… you must have so kind of plan… like the one I gave you here.

Women do this… because they don’t know what else to do… so sending text’s is better than doing nothing. You feel better because you are doing something to get him back… even if he isn’t replying to them.

The worse thing to do is send the same message over and over again… or say the same thing over and over again… like he didn’t get it the first time, or to send angry texts.

All this does is irritate your ex… which reduces the chances of your getting him back.

Your Quick Fix…

There are two instant ways you can fix this problem… if you have been texting him too much.

First… stop texting him and implement the thirty-day rule. You see… if you have been bombarding him with texts… he will see you as needy and desperate… two qualities which make you un-attractive in his eyes.

When you stop texting him for thirty consecutive days… he will begin to wonder why you have stopped texting… then he will begin to miss your texts. Even though they made you look needy and desperate… on a sub-conscious level… your texts make him feel wanted… and we all like to feel wanted.

Then… when you resume your texts after the thirty day no contact period… he will be happy to receive them.

Second… use the one text rule. This means… you have normal text message conversations with him.

A normal text message conversation is… you text, he replies. You text, he replies. You text, he replies.

Not… you text, you text, you text… he give a one word reply.

Mistake Two: Incessant Calling…

This is the same as incessant texting… it makes you look needy and desperate. After a breakup… you want answers… and texting him or calling him to get these answers and to talk to him is a normal thing to do.

But… ringing him ten times a day isn’t going to motivate him to talk to you. All it does is piss him off. How do you feel when a man you don’t really want to talk to rings you ten times a day?

You ex will feel exactly the same way.

He will be ignoring your calls on purpose… so trying again and again isn’t going to help.

Your Quick Fix…

If you have been calling him too much… stop it!

Immediately use the no contact rule… and don’t contact him for thirty consecutive days. You must stop him from thinking you are his crazy ex who won’t leave him alone.

When he doesn’t hear from you for thirty days… he will wonder why you have stopped calling. At first… he will be glad you have stopped calling. But… he will soon miss your calls… which gives you the advantage when you try and get him back.

When you do contact him again after thirty days… text him first. Ringing him is too heavy.

Mistake Three: The Unannounced Visit…

This is the worst thing you can do… showing up at his house or office to talk to him… unannounced.

Imagine how you would feel if an ex-boyfriend showed up at your house unannounced… telling you how much he loves you and wants you back in his life.

It may look good in the big Hollywood films… but in real life… it doesn’t result in a happy ending.

All women are smart enough to know that the mistakes I am showing you here in this article really are ‘mistakes’… and under normal circumstances… you wouldn’t make them. But… you really want him back… and you can’t get him out of your mind… because you aren’t thinking straight… you do these things anyway… because you don’t know what else to do.

But… by turning up on his doorstep unannounced… whatever the reason… is unlikely to help you get him back.

It will really repel him.

Your Quick Fix…

Once again… the magic of the no contact rule applies here. One of the many beauties of the thirty day no contact rule… is… people forget. Memories fade away into the background.

Remember your ex-boyfriends… can you remember all the bad times… all the things he did that annoyed you?

If you bumped into an ex-boyfriend… and he visually looked different from what you remember… would you immediately judge him on the few bad memories alone… or would you be at least a little bit open toward him?

After thirty days of no contact… his memories of your un-announced visit will be faint… because other memories will be more important to him. He will no longer see you as his crazy ex.

When you contact him again after thirty days… start with a text message.

Mistake Four: Sleeping With Him…

Sleeping with your ex is a mistake… because… you are de-valuing yourself. If you have an endless supply of something… you stop valuing it. If you don’t have to work to get something… you just get it free… you don’t value it.

If you want a man to value you… you have to make him work to get you… and work to keep you.

In a normal healthy relationship… this happens anyway. Women automatically understand this… and we men… can only be pushed so far…

But outside a relationship… it doesn’t.

You will never form an emotional connection with a man who just sees you as a woman who gives him sex.

If you sleep with him on a regular basis… you will never know if he really likes YOU… or just likes having sex with you. Big difference.

If you want to get him back in your life as your boyfriend… you cannot achieve this by sleeping with him.

What about friends with benefits?

Well… if you plan on using this… and then gradually getting back with him… this is unlikely to work.

Friends with benefits… is VERY different from boyfriend and girlfriend. Once you are one… you cannot change to the other.

I’ve been in a friends with benefits situation twice in my life. Both times… I never really wanted her to be my girlfriend. I really liked her… but not enough to go out with her.

She was just someone to sleep with… that’s all.

Both women wanted me to become their boyfriend… and when I didn’t respond to that… it ended.

Two people become friends with benefits… because one person or both people aren’t sure about the other person. The person who accepts… secretly wants more… and hopes they will become exclusive.

I’ve never seen friends with benefits have a happy ending.

Your Quick Fix

If you have slept with your ex… all you can do is stop… and immediately implement the no contact rule.

Then… watch and see how he reacts to this.

When he calls or texts you wanting some action… tell him no. If he asks for a reason… tell him you need time alone to decide what direction you want your life to take… and sit back and see how he responds to this.

Whatever he says or does… will reveal if he has genuine feelings for you… or if he just wants sex.

When my friends with benefits women stopped giving me the benefits… I wanted to know why. I was fobbed off with a lame answer both times… and I just didn’t bother contacting her again.

If I had genuine feelings for any of them though… I would have changed my approach… and I would have started to pursue the one I wanted.

Your ex should respond the same way. Either way… you will find out the truth.

Mistake Five: Begging…

Imagine I was stood in a room with ten beautiful women. Nine of these women were begging to be with me… the tenth woman wasn’t… who’s arms are crossed…

How would I react?

I’ll tell you.

First… as the blood rushed from my head to my loins… I would compile a mental list of who I would sleep with first.

But… when I see the tenth woman who isn’t begging… she would have my complete attention.

Think of the logic there. Nine women I’ve got some guaranteed action with… but my attention would be focused on the women who’s body language clearly says…


We all want what we can’t have… this applies to both men and women.

So… when you beg you ex back… he won’t be attracted to that. Instead… you must attract him back into your life.

Your Quick Fix…

Stop begging! No man can ever respect a woman who begs for anything. Immediately use the no contact rule… and after thirty days… contact him by text message.

Mistake Six: The Grand Gesture…

In a lot of Hollywood films… the man makes the grand gesture… and professes his un-dying love to the woman of his dreams… in the real world… this never works.

Because… it puts her under great pressure… makes her feel very self-conscious… and most women won’t respond well to that.

Also… whatever response she gives… isn’t based on how she truly feels… it’s to get herself out of the awkward situation.

Men respond exactly the same way.

If a women makes the grand gesture to a man… he is likely to tell her what she wants to hear… just to get out of the awkward situation.

Then… whatever the situation was before the grand gesture… this will return… and you will be back to square one.

Your Quick Fix…

It takes courage to do the grand gesture… and when he ultimately rejects you… you will feel really bad.

If you have done the grand gesture… use the thirty day no contact period to let yourself recover… and for him to forget about it.

He won’t completely forget after only thirty days… but his memory of it will fade into the background… then you can start fresh… with a simple text message.

Mistake Seven: Trigger an Argument…

When you are angry or in a high emotional state… your ability to think is reduced. This is why you say things you don’t mean… when you are angry or upset.

Also… the more you care about a person… the more involved you are with a person… the angrier you can get over the smallest things. We all tend to magnify the small things… because we are afraid of losing the person you have in your life.

The primary reason a woman argues with a man… is… to get an emotional response from him.

If a man isn’t giving her the emotional input she needs… she will trigger an argument with him.

Isn’t something you consciously do… it’s an automatic reaction you have little control over.

From her point of view… an angry response from him is an emotional response… which is what she wants… and she keeps the argument going… to keep the emotions flowing.

Unfortunately… men don’t know that women need lots of emotional input… so when an argument erupts for ‘no reason’… he is doubly mad.

From his point of view…

“If I’d have done something wrong… fair enough… but I didn’t do anything!”

So… never trigger an argument with your ex… not for any reason.

All it will do is push him further away from you.

Your Quick Fix…

If you had an argument with him… doesn’t matter who started it or why it started… just send him a simple text… something like…

“I’m sorry we argued, and I didn’t mean the bad things I said.”

Don’t allocate blame… and don’t make a big deal of it. One simple text… then use the no contact rule.

After an argument… it takes time for you both to settle down. After thirty days… resume contact.

Mistake Eight: Being a Recluse…

Breaking up with someone you love really hurts… but… it isn’t the actual breakup that hurts… it’s the aftermath.

The times when you are alone with your thoughts… you try to figure out what went wrong… what you should have done… your regrets…

We all have our own way to deal with these feelings.

Some women go out and get drunk… others sleep with the first man they find… some cut themselves off from other people.

Why do some women become reclusive after a breakup?

Because… they blame themselves for the breakup… and lose their confidence. These feelings of guilt and lack of confidence cause her to not want to go out… she is afraid of making another mistake.

Your Quick Fix…

If you have become reclusive… or don’t feel like going out… you’ve got to stop feeling sorry for yourself.

You will never get him back into your life… in your current condition.

You need a little self-discipline.

Here’s what I do when I need to discipline myself.

I’m self-employed and I work from home. Every so often… I get lazy. I know I’m getting lazy… because my income drops.

So… I stand in front of the mirror… I look at myself… and I tell myself off.

“Now then David. What the f*** is your problem? Do you think that acting like a lazy b****** is going to pay the f****** bills?........”

I am very hard on myself… I have to be… because it’s the only way I can get myself to work sometimes.

Now… I don’t suggest you stand in front of your mirror and shout abuse at yourself… but you need to do something to motivate yourself to get out there and have fun.

If you don’t… you are simply letting your life pass you by.

Mistake Nine: Issuing Him With an Ultimatum…

How would you react if an ex-boyfriend… someone you had decided you didn’t want to be with anymore… issued you with an ultimatum?

Would you jump up… and beg him to take you back?

Or would you just shrug your shoulders… and say…

“You can do whatever you like.”

Most men do not react too well to ultimatums.

Usually what happens is… the ex boyfriend feels unsure if he wants to get back with her. She senses this… and issues a deadline or ultimatum… to create a sense of urgency… so hopefully he will come running back to her.

From a man’s point of view… an ultimatum is an attempt to control your life… and most men don’t respond too well to that… because we don’t want to feel that someone else controls us. We like to feel that WE are in control.

Usually issuing him with an ultimatum will push him further away from you.

Your Quick Fix

Once you issue an ultimatum… you can’t take it back. But… you can limit the damage it does… by sending a quick text message. Something like…

“I’m sorry I gave you an ultimatum. I was upset and wasn’t thinking straight. I won’t do it again.”

It takes courage to say sorry. When he receives this message… he will respect you for having the courage to send it.

Then… if you then enter a thirty day no contact period… the memory of the ultimatum will fade away over thirty days.

Mistake Ten: Declare Your Love to Him…

A lot of women do this… they believe if they tell their ex how much they love them… and how much they miss them… he will come running back.

It sounds good… offering a man total love and affection… and everything he could ever want from a woman… but… from his point of view… he will see you as weak… needy and worst of all… desperate.

This could also lead to a friends with benefits situation… because what he is thinking is…


Yes, we men are obsessed with it. Any chance we may get some… we jump at it.

Now… there is nothing wrong with sending him a letter, e-mail or text message… and there is nothing wrong with telling him you still love him…but… you have to be very careful not to look desperate. You want him to see you as his equal… not as a little puppy yapping constantly because it wants attention.

Your Quick Fix

If you have already done this… declared your undying love to him… you’ve only done temporary damage to your chances of getting him back. To recover… simply enter a thirty day no contact period.

As each day passes… his memory of the Declaration of Love will fade away… and after thirty days… you can continue on.

Mistake Eleven… Breaking Your No Contact Period…

I bet I’ve mentioned the no contact rule a hundred times on this website. This is because it is the most important tool you can use to help get your ex back… because… as the days pass… he will begin to forget about the relationship… and you.

If you want him back… you have to forget about the old relationship and focus or creating a new relationship with him.

You want him to forget all the bad aspects of the old relationship… and the bad aspects of you… so you can remind him of the good qualities you have.

If you are feeling down and depressed… you may be thinking you don’t have any good qualities.

Well… if you didn’t… he wouldn’t have had any interest in you in the first place.

Everybody has good qualities and bad qualities… you must always focus on the good… never the bad.

The thirty day no contact period is always tough. You feel like he is slipping further away from you as each day passes… and you miss him more and more…

But… what is ACTUALLY happening… his memories of the old relationship and the old YOU are fading away… to make way for a NEW relationship with the new YOU.

Right now as you are reading this… you are not the same person as you were when you were with him.

Everybody changes…

You are not the same person you were ten years ago… and you will be a different person in ten years in the future.

The no contact period solves so many problems… but it is tough to actually do… because of how you feel about him.

Your Quick Fix

If you have broken the thirty day no contact period… you have to start over.

So… if you lasted ten days before you contacted him… you have to go right back to the start.

What if you lasted twenty nine days?

No contact doesn’t have to be exactly thirty days. The aim is to give you and him time apart… so the old memories fade away… to make way for new ones.

Here’s what to do now

First… download a copy of my Case Study… where you will discover how my ex-girlfriend Sarah got me back after six months apart.

You will also discover how to get the very important first date with your ex-boyfriend… where he wants to meet up with you. Even if you have already met up with him since your break-up… he most likely wasn’t ready to crawl through broken glass to see you.

This case study shows you how to make him WANT to see you again.


Next… after your successful first date… you must escalate from meeting for a simple cup of coffee and a chat… to dating him again. You do this by…

Changing how he feels about you…

I’ve got a simple four step system for you to copy… which is based on how my ex Sarah got me back into her life.


free-case-study - m coffee-to-dating-m