How to get your ex back without looking desperate

By David Coates

Over the past twenty-nine years… I’ve helped about one hundred and seventy women get their ex’s back… and one of the worst things you can do… is look desperate.

If you really like someone… and want him back in your life so much… it almost hurts. This pain can cause you to feel desperate… desperate to get him back… because you want the pain to go away.

In your mind… ‘get him back’ = ‘no more pain’.

You begin to act purely from emotion… and do crazy things… things you would normally never do.

You lose all perspective… and that person permeates their way through all your thoughts… sometimes this leads to stalking.

The problem with wanting someone so badly is… the more you want them… the further away you push them.

This is because desperation behaviours are such a turn off.

I wrote this article because it is so important for you to understand why desperate behaviours are such a turn off. The last thing you want… is to be so close to getting him back… so tantalisingly close… you stop him from turning round… looking you in the eyes and telling you…

“I sooooo want you back in my life”…

… with your desperate behaviours.

Imagine how bad you would feel if you had him ripped away from you… again… because you just looked too desperate.

I wrote this article… just for you… to make sure this never happens.

How Desperate Behaviour Begins

Desperate behaviours always begin after a break up. This is because you have had something you wanted taken away from you… something that was part of you… and you want it back.

Occasionally you do get the crazy nut job stalker who stalks the supermodel… but this happens only because his mind is slowly leaving reality and drifting towards the nut farm.

Some behaviours may seem ok on the surface… but after the breakup… the meaning changes.

Whilst you were still with your ex… and you called him up… that made him feel nice… because the woman he loves called him up.

After the break up… you try ringing you ex… and you will get a very different response.

Same action… ringing your ex… different response.

Ringing or texting too much after a break up is seen as desperation… and maybe even stalking.

So… to get him back into your life… you must be very careful not to come across as been needy or desperate. In this article I’m going to tell you exactly how to do this.

The Six Types of Desperate Behaviours

Here are the six most common things women do… which can be interpreted by your ex as being desperate.

Don’t worry if you’ve done any of them… you can still get him back into your life… you simply need to change your strategy… which I will explain later.

Desperate Behaviour #1: Drunken texting or calling.

We have all done this before… you get drunk… and start firing out drunken text messages or making drunken calls.

Then… in the morning when you wake up… you read the messages you sent… and regret sending them.

Drunken messages or calls when you were going out with him were ok… but not now you’ve broken up. All it does is communicate to him you have nothing better to do than text him.

All text messages and phone calls must be made sober… when you are clear headed.

If you have sent him any drunken messages or made any drunken calls to him don’t panic… you’ve not blown it… and you can still get him back… just don’t send any more.

Desperate Behaviour #2: Sleeping with your ex.

Why is this a desperate thing to do?

First… there’s a real danger you will fall into the friends with benefits trap.

Second… you are giving away your power over him. All women have the ability to give a man something he really wants… sex. When you give a man sex… you lose that power over him.

In a loving relationship that’s ok… but outside of it… it’s not.

All women I’ve spoken to about this have sex with their ex’s for one reason…

They believe it will make their ex fall in love with them again.

This never happens.

A new relationship with your ex must be based on something more concrete than sex.

You may be thinking that he will grow to love you because you are sleeping together… I’ve never seen that happen. Ever. All that happens is the woman always ends up feeling used… and the couple never get back together again.

This is why sleeping with him whilst you are broken up is a desperate act.

Desperate Behaviour #3: Begging.

Been in love with someone who doesn’t love you back is a terrible feeling… and I’ve seen people pretty much begging their ex to come back.

“I’ll change… just give me one more chance.”

Most women I’ve chatted to about their breakup… say they have so much love to give him… they feel depressed because he doesn’t want her love… and this deep depression can lead to begging.

I’ve seen men buy women expensive gifts like jewellery in an attempt to ‘buy’ her back… this never works. You cannot buy another person’s love.

A relationship between two people can only work out if both people have earned each others love. Love is a feeling, and a gift is a symbol of that feeling. In a loving relationship gifts are great… because they communicate..

“Hey I love you”


“Hey I was thinking about you”

Outside of a relationship… trying to buy your ex back… the gift isn’t taken as a symbol of love.

The gift is received like a gift from a distant relative. It has no special meaning.

To get your ex back you must win him back and earn his love. He must decide you are the best for him… and it’s up to you to communicate that to him.

Desperate Behaviour #4: Asking friends to mediate

Do you recall when you were a kid… and there was a boy you liked… and like all kids you didn’t have the courage to talk to him… so you sent a friend to talk to him for you…

I remember when I was in my late teens, a friend of mine called Steven had been dumped by his girlfriend called Sarah. We had driven into town for a few beers, we parked the car and started to walk towards the pub.

His ex Sarah worked as a shop assistant in a shop close by… so Steven asked me if I could go into the shop and ‘talk to her’.

I told him that was a bad idea because it looks you look weak.

I was also thinking ‘are you crazy? Given my bad stutter… what f***ing use am I going to be trying to talk her into getting back together with you?’

At that time I still had my stutter, and the thought of going into the shop to try and talk to her made me feel almost terrified.

But… because I’m a good friend… I went into the shop, found her and did my best. My speech was terrible, I was so tense I could hardly get a word out… but because women are very intuitive… she knew what I was trying to say… and my attempt to get her to talk to Steven failed.

I understand that asking a friend to talk to him for you makes you feel like you are doing something to get him back… but all you are doing is giving yourself false hope.

Desperate Behaviour #5: Stalking

I know this one is kinda obvious… but… actions you may think are ok… HE can interpret as stalking.

The main rule to remember is this… any form of communication between you two must be more or less fifty/fifty. If you text him five times a day and he only texts once, he may interpret that as stalking.

Same applies to things like Facebook. Don’t go to his page too often. If you want to get back into his life… you have to get him out of your mind as much as you can. Every text or Facebook visit only puts him back in your mind… and that then makes you miss him even more.

Desperate Behaviour #6: The unannounced visit.

I know exactly how you feel… during the quiet moments… you sit down and your thoughts drift back to the happy times you had with your ex… and you smile… then you come back and focus on reality… and how empty life is without him.

I’ve had the experience before… and so have hundred’s of the women I’ve spoken to over the years.

These thoughts lead you to do desperate things… to try and get him back into your life… including an unannounced visit.

I once had an ex-girlfriend turn up on my front doorstep wearing a long raincoat… and nothing underneath. Been the healthy male human being that I am I let her in and we did the biz… but… I didn’t make me want her back.

Worse… I disrespected her for it… and it pushed her further away from me.

The reason why the unannounced visit seems like a good idea is… you secretly want him to do this to you. Imagine how happy you would feel if he turned up on your front door step unannounced.

Unfortunately… he wouldn’t feel the same way.

You also risk been put in the ‘crazy ex-girlfriend’ category… which hurts your chances of getting him back.

Getting Him Back Without Looking Desperate

Given that you have read this far into my article… I’m guessing that you have already tried to get him back into your life… or you are very close to giving it a shot.

To get him back… you MUST NOT look desperate. Before I tell you how to get him back WITHOUT looking desperate… I’ll first tell you why you haven’t got him back yet.

Right now… your ex doesn’t like you… and in extreme cases… he may never want to see you again.

I know you didn’t want to hear that… but to get him back… you have to know the truth.

Now… despite that… you and he still have an emotional connection… and this connection can never be destroyed. Even if he hates you… on an emotional level… he still has feelings of love towards you.

These feelings of love have simply been pushed into the background… by ‘the reason for the break up.’

When I reflect back on my ex-girlfriends… I still feeling something positive for each of them… and if one of these women knew what it was about them I still liked… she could use that as an entry point to get back into my life.

All she would then have to do is deal with my negative feelings.

So… the reason why you haven’t got him back… is because you haven’t figured out what it is about you he still likes… and you haven’t activated the emotional connection you both still have.

To activate the connection… you must…

Make it His Idea to Get You Back

From her early teens… a girl realises that she has the ability to attract men. Men will go to great extremes… and in some cases put up with a lot of shit… to get what he wants.

As a woman… you’ve grown up in a society where it’s normal for a man to pursue a woman… and the woman picks and chooses who she wants and doesn’t want.

So… regarding getting your ex back… you don’t want to go against this.

From a man’s point of view… if a woman pursue’s me… I think to myself…

“She’s either very self-confident… or desperate.”

If she doesn’t come across as very confident… I assume she’s desperate… and I cannot find a desperate woman attractive.

To get him to pursue you… you use…

Your Powerful Emotional Connection…

… to influence him to do what you want him to do.

You attracted him in the first place… so you’ve already done most of the hard work. Now… you must become so attractive in his eyes… so desirable… he wants… to be with you.

You must have at least the same emotional control over him… as he has over you.

Right now… the reason you are reading this article… is because you want him back so much… you are willing to spend time surfing the Internet… looking for advise on how to get him back.

That is how much emotional control he has over you. You must reverse this… so you have at least that much control over him… else you will never get him back.

How exactly do you do this?

1 – Never devalue yourself. I know exactly what it feels like to be dumped by someone you love. Having a stutter… it’s happened a lot to me…. And when it happened… I felt bad… really bad… and it’s very easy to feel like you have no value in the world out there… no value to other people.

DO NOT allow yourself to feel like this. You’ll get depressed… start eating the wrong food… and you’ll never get him back.

2 – You can’t be afraid of losing him. If he believes that you would crawl through a field of broken glass to get him back… you will never get him back. He has to know that he can lose you… forever.

3 – Understand that we all want what we cannot have. Remember the Bible story of Adam and Eve. They could eat any of the fruit and berries in the Garden of Eden… but were forbidden to eat fruit from those two special trees… the reason why they ate the fruit of those forbidden trees… is because they were forbidden.

If God had not mentioned those trees… the fruit would have no special appeal.

But… because the fruit of those trees was forbidden… the fruit looked more appealing… and they gave in to temptation.

With regard to your ex… this is how you motivate him to pursue you. You become the object of his desire… you become the thing he (thinks) he cannot have.

You go from hot to cold. Not too hot… and not too cold… just respond to him… then stop responding to him for a while.

By doing this… you communicate to him that he is not the centre of your world… and by only responding to him sometimes… his desire for you goes up… because you become the thing he (thinks) he cannot have.

Each time you don’t respond to him… he will experience fear… he will be afraid that he said something that you didn’t like… and he may lose you. Fear is a huge motivator.

The reason you are reading this article… is because you are afraid that you will lose him forever. You want him to experience this same fear.

You do this with…

Cleverly Crafted Text Messages…

Every text message you send him… must be for a specific reason… to achieve a specific goal.

Getting your ex back is like cooking a meal or baking a cake. You have to get all the ingredients in the correct quantities… else it all goes wrong. Too much salt in a meal… can really make the food taste bad.

Every text message you send him must be for a purpose… don’t just fire off a short one word message like…


That’s kinda pointless… and he’s unlikely to respond to it. Have you ever had the experience… where you send a pretty long message to someone… and you get back a one word reply? It’s annoying and communicates that you don’t really care.

So your text messages have to actually say something… and you have to be aware of what he will be thinking when he reads your text… and how will it make him feel. Your goal is to make him want you… and to make him think it’s his idea to get back with you.

A relationship is like a bank account. Each good thing that happens in the relationship… is like paying money in to your bank account. Each time you laugh together or have a great night together… the ‘balance’ goes up.

Each bad experience… is like taking money out of the bank account… and the balance goes down. When the bank account is empty… you split up.

Each text experience with you must be positive… he has to enjoy receiving texts from you… and you must also leave him wanting more.

Here’s what to do now

First… download a copy of my Case Study… where you will discover how my ex-girlfriend Sarah got me back after six months apart.

You will also discover how to get the very important first date with your ex-boyfriend… where he wants to meet up with you. Even if you have already met up with him since your break-up… he most likely wasn’t ready to crawl through broken glass to see you.

This case study shows you how to make him WANT to see you again.


Next… after your successful first date… you must escalate from meeting for a simple cup of coffee and a chat… to dating him again. You do this by…

Changing how he feels about you…

I’ve got a simple four step system for you to copy… which is based on how my ex Sarah got me back into her life.


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