How To Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back – Permanently

By David Coates

Truth #1 (the bad news): The relationship you had with your ex-boyfriend is over forever. Trying to recover the relationship and get things ‘back to normal’ is like trying to breathe life into a corpse… it isn’t going to happen.

Truth #2(the good news): You can start a new relationship with your ex-boyfriend… a relationship which doesn’t have the problems the old relationship had… a relationship where you both love each… and become part of each other’s lives… and you two become soul-mates.

Proof You Can Get Him Back

One – Attraction isn’t a choice. Your ex didn’t choose to like you… nor did he choose to fall in love with you… no more than you chose to fall in love with him. Your ex can’t help but love you.

Right now… your ex is focused on ‘the reason you split up’… instead of been focused on his love for you.

When you remove the ‘reason you split up’… he will automatically focus on his love for you… and he will want you back in his life again… and you will get back together.

I know this sounds too easy… I know right now you desperately want him back in your life and can’t think of how to actually get him back into your life… but… trust me… I’ve been helping women with their relationships for the past twenty-nine years and I’ve seen it all.

Every problem has a solution... no matter how big or impossible the problem looks. Just carry on reading… and I promise I will tell you what you need to do to get him back into your loving arms… and your life.

Two – Similar to the above… you have already attracted him… and he didn’t choose to feel this attraction... and these feelings he has for you won’t just go away… they never do. This means eighty-five per cent of the work is already done. You simply need someone to guide you through the remaining fifteen per cent. Together… with my help… we will get him back into your loving arms… and your life… permanently.

Three – You never forget the people you love. Doesn’t matter how long you’ve been apart… nor does it matter why you split up… he will never forget you. His memories of you will fade over time… but this means his BAD memories of you will fade. To get him back… you remind him of only the good memories… the good times you shared together… and deep down… he will miss those good times… and soon… he will begin to miss YOU… and how good it felt to have YOU in his life.

Four – He will secretly hope you miss him. Think back to the boyfriends you have dumped. Didn’t you quietly hope he missed you? Don’t you feel some degree of anger when you see an ex-boyfriend with a new woman… especially if she is more beautiful than you?

This is because you (and everybody else) wants to feel special… wanted… desired… and if someone misses you… it ‘proves’ you are loved… wanted… desired. When you see him with a new woman… it ‘proves’ you are  not loved… wanted or desired (by him)… this is why it makes you feel bad.

Since he is secretly hoping you are missing him… it shows that he is still thinking of you… and… you still have the ability to make him to feel GOOD inside. This is another entry point back into his life.

Five – If he broke up with you… he will be doubting his decision to end it. When you make a big decision about your life… don’t you feel some degree of anxiety… don’t you doubt yourself… don’t you question if you have done the right thing?

Everybody does… and so will your ex. You can use his feelings of doubt to get him back into your life.

Six – Have you ever had the experience… where a friend has told you a problem they have… and to you… the answer is so obvious? When you are the one with the ‘unsolvable problem’… you can’t see the answer… but someone on the outside… can.

Your breakup situation is just like this. Someone on the outside can see the solution… but you… on the inside… can’t.

Seven – Over the past twenty-nine years… I’ve discovered that most breakups are caused by our automatic reactions. Here’s a story to explain this.

On a warm summer’s morning a Scorpion was walking by the calm river wanting to get across. The Scorpion sees a dog lazily curled up by the river… eyes half open… watching the files hover just above the water.

Given that a dog can swim… the Scorpion asks the dog if it can jump on the dog’s back and take him across the river.

The dog says no. You might sting me and kill me.

The Scorpion says why would I do that… I’ll drown too.

The dog agrees… and the Scorpion jumps up onto the dogs back… and the dog begins to swim across the river.

Half way across… the Scorpion stings the dog.

As the dog begins to drown… he asks the Scorpion why did you sting me? We’ll both drown.

The Scorpion replies… “I don’t know… it’s just in my nature.”

We human do things just a silly as the Scorpion. We say and do things… which we regret later.

In most of the breakups I’ve seen… it’s these silly things which cause the break up.

This is why I can truly say to you… getting an ex back… isn’t that hard. You simply need to understand why breakups happen… and that’s what this article and this whole website is about.

Eight - According to Nancy Kalish, who wrote a book called Lost & Found Lovers: Facts and Fantasies of Rekindled Romances, around six per cent of divorced couples re-marry.

Six per cent may not sound like a lot, but convincing the man you divorced to re-marry you is a hell of a lot harder than getting your ex-boyfriend back. Also…

“Emotional connections cannot be destroyed… we always feel something for those we once loved…”

You and your ex still have a very powerful emotional connection with each other… which will never go away. This connection is the glue that binds friends and couples together.

Right now… he is focused on the ‘reason you split up’… instead of being focused on the connection you both have. To get him back into your life… you need to get his attention away from the ‘reason you split up’… and back onto the connection you both have. Once you do that… his love for you will re-assert itself automatically.

He still loves you, his feelings have simply been pushed into the background.

Also, consider this…right now… you have all this love for him… but… like a light hidden under a blanket… he can’t see it, or bask in the warmth of the love you can give him. You must show him the path he must take to enjoy your love and affection, and to create a new happy and loving relationship together.

I cannot promise you can get your ex-boyfriend back into your life, but I can promise to dramatically increase your chances of getting him back, because everything mentioned here in this article is based upon everything I’ve learned after the twenty-nine years I’ve spent helping over one hundred and seventy couples get back together.

How long will it take to get him back?

You could be back in his arms tomorrow, or next week, or next month… it depends on many factors. Getting him back can be a complex process, and everyone wants a complete step by step plan they can follow to get him back.

Such a plan is difficult to write, and I’ve done my very best to give you such a plan in this article, but if you want a full complete concise plan, click on the link below.

Text Your Ex Back

What this article is about

I spent about three weeks putting this article together. You see, from a very young age (six or seven I think), I developed a stutter, a pretty bad speech problem. As a kid, it wasn’t too bad to cope with, but when I got older…

Even today I still remember been at my grammar school and having to read out aloud in front of the class… I still remember how terrified I felt… and how embarrassed I was.

Then of course… talking to girls… was near impossible. I was just too tense, which made my speech worse.

However… there was one really positive aspect…

“All Women Love a Man Who Is a Good Listener”

I couldn’t speak… so I just shut the **** up and listened… and women seemed to be more than happy to sit next to me and talk to me… and I of course loved it.

They used to tell me their problems, especially their problems with boys/men… and I just sat there and listened, and commented whenever I could get a sentence out, which wasn’t very often. Each time I commented though, I always gave good advice, because I helped her understand the male point of view.

Today, my friends still come to me with their relationship problems, and they are very easy to solve, because I understand the whole dating/relationship thing from both the male and female point of view.

This is why I’ve written this long (seven thousand words plus) article… to give you the benefit of my twenty-nine years’ experience… and to help you get your ex-boyfriend back into your loving arms… and your life.

Here’s is what you are going to discover:

1 – A simple step-by-step system to help you get him back into your life.

2 – I‘ll tell you exactly what you need to say.

3 – The ‘best’ way to get back in contact with him… and why.

4 – How to build up your own self-confidence.

5 – Exactly what you should do and should not do.

6 – Exactly what you should do if you cheated on him… or… he cheated on you.

7 – Exactly what you should do if he has found a new girlfriend.

8 – Exactly what your goals need to be, to get him back into your life.

The system I describe here will work for teenagers and adults in a short – medium term break up. This system will not work for long term break-ups (over ten years). It could, but so much has happened, it’s highly unlikely you will get back together.

The first rule

The ‘No Contact Rule’.

Every book or article tells you about the no contact rule. The no contact rule is…

“You must have no contact with your ex for thirty consecutive days”.

Here’s why:

1 – You both need time to cool off.

2 – Your ex may begin to miss you, thus making it easier to get him back into your life.

3 – Any ‘bad’ memories have to fade away. It takes at least thirty days for this to begin to happen.

If you do have contact with your ex, like an accidental meeting, or if you have children… all contact must be un-emotional and business-like. Conversation must be about a subject that must be discussed, else just general chit-chat. Nothing personal.

During this thirty day period… you must not

1 – Stay in bed all day or mope around feeling sorry for yourself.

2 – Isolate yourself from others.

Neither of these are going to help you get him back, nor will they make you feel better. I know it’s tough, but you must never give up… no matter how bad it looks.

3 – Drink or eat too much.

People do this to make themselves feel better. It never works… it actually makes you feel worse… and it makes you fat/un-healthy.

4 – Make big life decisions.

These decisions must only be made when you are thinking straight and rationally.

Now we can move on to the good stuff.

During the thirty days, here’s what you should do…

Re-invent yourself. Yeah yeah, I know that’s an old cliché, but… it’s the best thing you can do. Your aim is to change yourself in a way you become more appealing to men, and to make yourself feel better and feel positive.

If you are thinking…

“I don’t want to change myself”… well… you are going to change anyway. Are you the same person today, compared to ten years ago?

No. You’ve changed a lot. You’ve grown up, you are wiser, smarter, your dress sense has changed, you use of language has changed…

Since you are going to change anyway, why not control the change… instead of letting external factors control it?

So… first change your appearance, and become the most beautiful version of you, you can become.

I put the word “you” in italics for a reason. Doesn’t matter how beautiful or un-attractive you believe you are… you have to become the best version of YOU. Never compare yourself to others. If you do, you’ll just make yourself feel bad, and you don’t want to do that.

Your goal is… when he sees you; you want him to think to himself…

“Wow. She’s more beautiful than I remember.”

You want him to instantly regret letting you go.

The reason I know this works… is… it worked on me.

About seven years ago, I was dating a woman called Luci. I dumped her because she was just too selfish.

About three months after the break-up, I saw her in a bar… and she looked GREAT. She was laughing with friends… and I couldn’t help but stop and stare at her, and I instantly questioned my decision to dump her.

We had a quick polite conversation, and I did want her number so we could meet up, but… there was no way I was going to ask her for it, and she didn’t suggest we exchange numbers, and I sensed she did want to get back in touch with me… but it never happened.

I just didn’t have the balls to ask. Even now… today… seven years later… I regret not asking her for her number… despite the fact it was ME that ditched her.

Imagine if the same thing happens to you…

When you change the way you look, do it in a way that reflects the person you want to be, your ideal self.

Change your hairstyle, get in shape, clean up your diet, shop for new clothes… and… stand in front of a mirror and practice your smile.

Your smile is critically important, and says a lot about you. It has to be warm and genuine.

Mental changes to make

Changing your state of mind is just as important as changing your appearance. As well as cooling off after the break-up, you need to accept the changes in your life, and not to feel bad about them. Even if you do get him back… the old relationship is dead… so you need to be open-minded enough to accept a new relationship with the same man.

Why would you want the old relationship back anyway? It failed.

The way you change your state of mind… is… not to think about it, and focus on other things.

Have you had the experience, where you have tried to remember a song, but couldn’t… and a few days later… the name of the song appears in your head. Well, the ‘system’ that makes that happen, is the same ‘system’ you use to change your metal state.

Just accept the fact that it’s over… and a new relationship with the same man is possible.

So, focus on your job or career, start a hobby, spend more time with friends… and… have fun.

The Cause of the Break-up

Here are the top ten causes of a man breaking up with his girlfriend:

1 – I wasn’t ready for a relationship (15%)

2 – She had bad hygiene (10%)

3 – I didn’t feel like I was a priority in her life (10%)

4 – We argued too much (10%)

5 – Her sex drive was too low (10%)

6 – She was always late (9%)

7 – There was someone else (9%)

8 – She was a bad kisser (8%)

9 – I didn’t see a future with her (8%)

10 – She was too hairy (8%)

The top ten complaints men have about women

1 – Her expectations of me are too high.

2 – She always wants to know what’s next.

3 – You think men are a work in progress and we need to be improved.

4 – You play hard to get.

5 – You are obsessed with what I’m thinking about.

6 – You use emotions as a weapon.

7 – You don’t understand I need time alone away from you.

8 – You say “I’m fine”, when you are not happy.

9 – You use sex as a weapon.

10 – The irritating “I shouldn’t have to tell him, he should know.”

Who broke up with whom?

Now we are going to examine your break-up and find the best way to get you and him back together in a new permanent relationship.

Don’t assume that he gave you the real reason for the break-up. He most likely didn’t… not because he lied to you… he just didn’t want to hurt your feelings.

Here are a few common reasons for a break-up, and what they really mean.

Your ex doesn’t feel attracted to you anymore

This one really hurts, but women do sometimes let themselves go a bit in a relationship. You feel comfortable, so you don’t feel the need to attract a man anymore, because you have him.

Here’s a quick fact about attraction. Attraction has little to do with appearance… it’s all about feelings. Beautiful women can have happy marriages with ugly men, and vice-versa.

So don’t worry if this was his break-up reason. It isn’t actually a problem, nor a relationship killer, and can be easily fixed.

He was bored with you

Again, this isn’t a real relationship killer either. When he says “I’m bored with you”, what he’s really saying is… “I’m bored with myself”… or … “I don’t understand what you are doing with your life”.

He is either looking to you for a life, and if you don’t give him a life, he blames you for his own boredom.

Or he looks at you and thinks… “Christ, she’s boring”. He doesn’t understand why you do what you do, and just makes an assumption.

You weren’t fulfilling his sexual or emotional needs

If this is the problem, there’s a chance you won’t be aware of it. We men are typically poor communicators, especially when we have to give women bad news.

Usually this isn’t a relationship killer, unless you are at opposite ends of the spectrum.

If he is always gagging for it, and you genuinely do have a low sex drive, you are unsuitable for each other.

Otherwise, this issue can be overcome.

Your ex says he doesn’t know what he wants

This break up line is complete BS. We all have at least some idea of what we want!

What he really means is… “I can’t figure out where you fit in to my life.”

This break-up line can take a little time to recover from, but it can be done if you approach the situation in the right way.

Cheating on your ex

If you cheated on him, read this article:

How to get your ex back if you cheated on him

If he cheated on you, read this article:

How to get your ex back if he cheated on you

When it comes down to it, cheating isn’t always a relationship killer… because… men and women cheat for different reasons. The key here, is to get your ex to understand why you cheated.

Men will cheat if they aren’t getting enough action with their wife/girlfriend, and they think they can get away with it.

Women have lots of different reasons for cheating, but usually it’s because he isn’t meeting her emotional needs.

Now I’m not going to lie to you and tell you it’s easy to get him back after cheating… but it can be done.

Did you break up with him?

If you broke up with your ex… and now want him back… read this article:

How to get your ex back if you broke up with him

The key to getting him back here, is getting him to understand your reasons for breaking up with him.

Change your mind-set

Albert Einstein once said…

You cannot solve a problem with the same mind-set you were in when the problem was created.”

To get your ex back, you have to accept that your old relationship is dead, and you have to believe it is possible to create a new relationship with your ex, where you love each other and become soul mates… a new relationship without all the crap associated with the old relationship.

Why would you want your old relationship back anyway… it failed… bury it and move on to a new relationship with the same person.

If you truly believe that you and your ex are good for each other… and meant for each other… then you should adopt that attitude… and do everything you can to get him back.

If you don’t… your love for him will be like a lamp hidden under a blanket… there to light up his life… but he doesn’t know it’s there.

Have a good reason to get back together

For a more detailed look at good reasons for getting back together… read this article:

Having a genuine reason for wanting him back

I love helping couples get back together, it gives me a great sense of achievement. However… some women don’t have a good reason for wanting to get back with their ex. Here are some bad reasons for wanting him back.

1 – Thinking you can’t carry on without him.

2 – Thinking he is your life.

3 – Thinking you won’t be able to find anyone better.

4 – Feeling unhappy being alone.

5 – Convincing yourself ‘it will be different next time’.

There are bad reasons because… they don’t empower you to get him back… and… he won’t respond to them.

Here are a few good reasons for wanting him back.

1 – You made a mistake.

2 – The break-up was a reflex response to something.

3 – You both had a huge argument which caused the break-up.

4 – You really are the right woman for him.

5 – You are both compatible.

6 – Your goals in life are aligned, meaning you can both help each other.

7 – You genuinely were a great couple and you loved each other.

These are good reasons, because when it comes down to it, you are going to have to say to him…

“I think we should get back together because [blank].

Fill in the blank.

The bad reasons ain’t going to cut it.

“Hey Sam, I think we should get back together because you are my life”.

“Hey Sam, I think we should get back together because I am unhappy and alone without you.

These are not going to work. However…

“Hey Sam, I think we should get back together because despite everything… we are compatible with each other, we love the same films, the same food…”


“Hey Sam. I think we should get back together because I really did make a huge mistake. If you look at our relationship before I screwed up, we were both very happy.”

Now you have a real basis for getting back together. All you have to do is go into more detail about the good aspects of the relationship, the reasons why you are a suitable couple.

Use other people to help get him back

First, go out on a date with someone new. This will help you… because…

1 – It helps you get used to the idea of moving on. Even if you do get your ex back, you will have a new relationship with him, so you need to get ready for that. Plus, it shows you have confidence and courage, which are both attractive qualities.

2 – It builds up your confidence. Knowing that someone likes you and finds you attractive will make you feel great, plus your date might be a fun person.

3 – It helps you stop thinking about your ex. You can only hold one thought in your mind at once. So at least for the duration of the date, you won’t be thinking about him. Plus, isn’t it more fun to be on a date, than been miserable and depressed at home?

4 – It will help cure any phobias you may have. A woman who hasn’t been in a relationship for a while can feel worried about meeting someone new.

If you are worried that dating someone new will ruin your chances of getting him back, don’t be. If he finds out, he will either feel a little bit jealous, or he will feel a little bit of regret, breaking up with you. Either way, it’s good for you.

Is your ex dating someone else?

If you want a detailed look into this, read this article:

How to get your ex back if he has a girlfriend

I know, this really hurts… but… not all is lost.

Stay calm, and remember that about eighty-seven per cent of rebound relationships don’t last, so the odds favour you.

Do not contact any of them, him or his date. The greater the distance between you and your ex… the more nostalgic he will become… plus… he will begin to forget about all the ‘bad’ aspects of your old relationship.

One last thing…

Most of what you need to do during the thirty day no contact period, is improving yourself. This may not be easy, but if you follow my suggestions… it will help you heal.

How to contact your ex

Now we get to the bit that really matters… actually contacting your ex and what to say.

There are lots of ways to contact him, and there is no ‘best’ method. They all have advantages and dis-advantages.

The telephone – this is actually a very good way to contact him, and it can work very well… but… he may not answer the phone when you ring, and… as soon as he sees it’s you ringing up, he may refuse to answer, or be in a negative frame of mind if he does pick up.

Plus, you have to be sharp and alert. He could say things you don’t have an answer for, and an argument could start. Lots of things can go wrong.

Writing a letter – another great way to get in contact… but… it’s too personal. How would you feel getting an un-expected letter from an ex?

E-mail – this is the coward’s way to get in touch, and is the opposite to the letter. E-mail is very in-personal. How would you feel getting a birthday card from someone who claims to love you… by e-mail?

Texting – This is my preferred method… because…

1 – It has just the right level of intimacy about it. Not too personal like a letter, but not as in-personal as an e-mail.

2 – No one else can read it (except the NSA ).

3 – There isn’t enough space in a text message for an argument.

4 – All negative body language, tone of voice related problems don’t carry on to a text message.

5 – You can share thought provoking pictures and other fun stuff.

6 - You have time to think about each text before you send it.

Your plan of action

Before you get your ex back, you need a plan of action. I’ve got the perfect plan for you, and it’s based on my twenty-nine years’ experience, and psychological facts, which… when used correctly… will give you very high odds of getting him back into your life… and your arms.

The plan is in six stages.

1 – First official text message

2 – Condition his mind by reminding him of the good times.

3 – Jealousy.

4 – Heart to heart

5 – Manage risk

6 – The meet.

This plan of action isn’t set in stone… meaning… you may have to do stuff not mentioned here. Every relationship is unique in its own way, so some parts you can skip, or you may need to add new parts to it.

So, if you think that one step isn’t right for your situation, don’t do it. And conversely… if you can see a step I’ve missed, do it!

The Seven Laws of Getting Him Back into Your Life

1 – You must be in control, not him. You control the direction the conversation goes, which means you must plan ahead.

2 – You must only focus on the positive aspects of your relationship.

3 – You must focus on what it was that made you a successful couple. What was it that attracted him to you?

4 – You must be aware of what he disliked about the relationship.

5 – You must be very alert to his likes and dislikes. Keep the conversation on his likes, and away from his dislikes. You want him to feel good being with you.

6 – Be very patient. Don’t expect everything to go well immediately. Don’t expect an instant reply to your first contact text message. Take it slow.

7 – Do not bombard him with texts. It makes you look needy, and it will drive him away.

The First Contact Text Message

First impressions are very important, so this text message is very important. If you muck up this part, you can destroy your chances of getting him back.

Your goal is to open up a line of communication… exchange a few pleasant text’s… and end the short text conversation. YOU must be the one who ends the conversation, because YOU have to be in control. If he ends it, he is in control… and that’s not good.

Here are the first contact rules:

Examples of first contact texts

Your aim is to get him to think of a happy memory you both shared…

You “I just found that little key ring you got me in Paris, and it made me think of you. Great weekend wasn’t it, the lights, the sights, our hotel room...”

If you get a positive reply:

You “I just found that little key ring you got me in Paris, and it made me think of you. Great weekend wasn’t it, the lights, the sights, our hotel room...

Him “Yeah, good times. How are you?”

You “Great! Just getting changed to go to Rick’s Bar. Bye

End the conversation here. Remember… this is first contact… and YOU must stay in control.

If you get a neutral response:

You “just found that little key ring you got me in Paris, and it made me think of you. Great weekend wasn’t it, the lights, the sights, our hotel room...”

Him “I guess

You “Got to go, just getting changed to go to Rick’s Bar. Bye

Again… end the conversation here.

Nice and short, friendly, you opened up the lines of communication, and you ended the conversation.

If you get a negative reply, DON’T reply. Remember, YOU have to be in control. I know it hurts, but you need to give him time to come around. Just keep trying every three of four days, and try a different approach every time. If you keep shooting at a target… eventually you will hit!

A negative response is better than no response, because you now have his attention. All you have to do is to trigger the right memory, to begin changing his responses from negative to neutral or positive.

A negative reply usually means:

1 – You chose the wrong memory for him to recall. Simply try again in three to four days with a different memory.

2 – Your text made him feel awkward and un-easy. Again, just try again in three to four days with a different memory. Eventually he will get used to it and change his tone to neutral.

3 – You text him at a bad time or when he was having a bad day. Trying again in three to four days and see what happens.

If you get no reply, don’t give up. Sometimes he’ll be too busy to respond, sometimes, he’ll be unsure how to reply... in some cases… he will have been secretly hoping you would contact him, and now it’s happened… he’s un-sure how to proceed, because he doesn’t want to mess it up.

Simply keep trying, send another harmless text every three or four days.

Remember the Good Times

As soon as you get a positive response to your opening text, you need to focus on getting him to remember the good times you had together. Your goal is to get him to feel positive about you, and about the relationship you had together.

By doing this, the negative memories will fade into the back ground, and the good memories will come into the foreground.

Exactly what to say

After you receive your first positive response to your text, you have to change from general good memories to specific good memories, times you both enjoyed together.


You “Remember when we were driving to Jane's new house, and you were reading the map, which you didn't realise was upside down... we still got there! We laughed so much.”

This text will trigger a good memory.

You can also ask him questions, to help revive good memories. Remember, your aim is to get him to FEEL good and positive about you and your relationship.

You “Do you remember which film we saw on out first date?”

As long as it was a good film and a good date, this question will trigger a good memory.

If the reply’s you get are generally positive, you can now change tactics, and move on to starting a short conversation with him. Remember, a SHORT conversation, with you ending it on a high note.


You “Do you remember which film we saw on our first date?”

Him “X-Files Fight the Future. When the Bees were released you cringed and squeezed my hand till it turned blue!”

You “Each time I think of that film I remember your blue hand

Him “Heh heh! That was a good date

You “I have to go now to walk Max. Bye for now ”

How to Use Jealousy

Jealousy is a very powerful emotion, and when used ethically… it can help get him back into your life. The thing about jealousy, is, you don’t want to make him too jealous. Think of it like adding salt or sauce to a meal.

Making your ex just that little bit jealous will greatly improve the odds of you getting him back.

If you saw your ex with another woman… wouldn’t you feel a little bit jealous… especially if he looked good and he was holding her hand?

The reason jealousy works is… when you see your ex with someone else, in your imagination you run a “what would that be like” scenario.

You know, when you are single, you meet someone new and when you are alone you end up fantasising about you and him in different scenarios…

It’s the same thing. Because you ‘know’ what it’s like, and it feels good… you get a feeling in your body which we call jealousy. Jealousy is closely linked to the feeling of regret.

This is why a little bit of jealousy is good.

Too much jealousy changes ‘what would that be like’… into ‘ look at what you cannot have’… and that’s not good.

Going out and dating someone else is a risky thing to do… but… letting him know that you are meeting new people… will trigger just the right amount of jealousy. You have to communicate that other people find you desirable.

You have to slowly and carefully let him know you are meeting new people by dropping hints in your text messages.

The Art of Using Jealousy to Get Him Back

Three quick rules:

1 – You have to be careful with jealousy… remember… it’s the salt or sauce to a meal.

2 – Don’t make jealousy the core of your plan to get him back.

3 – Be discreet. Directly saying “I was with this really good looking man last night”… will reduces your chances of getting him back.

Whatever you say to your ex has to be the truth. If he finds out you lied, you will really struggle to get him back.

The first way you can use jealousy is to use Facebook. I remember a while ago when I saw a picture of a woman I liked whom I thought was single… her Facebook page had a few pictures of her with other men.

I felt a little jealous because they were with her and I wasn’t… and I wanted to know if she was dating any of them.

If I saw a picture of her kissing another man… or any other picture which communicated she was “with” another man… I would still feel jealous, but I would also write her off as lost.

So the rule is… pictures of you having fun with other men… but not anything that communicates you are dating any of them. You want it to look like they want to be with you… not you wanting to be with them.

And if you’re thinking he won’t be checking your Facebook profile every so often… think again. When he’s having a low moment in his life… when he’s got nothing to do… curiosity will drive him to take a quick glance.

Don’t you ever wonder from time to time…

“I wonder how [blank] is doing?”

An old friend, an ex from five years ago…

That’s why high school re-unions are popular. You go because you are curious about what your old school mates are up to… how their lives are panning out…

Example Jealousy Evoking Text Messages

You “I just saw [insert romantic film name] with a friend. Great film, you would love it”

Your message must not specify which gender your friend is, male or female. You want him to wonder…

“Was it a man she went with? Which man? Weird film to see with a woman..”

This message could drive him to your Facebook page… to see the pictures… which make him jealous…

Another great jealousy text message… is the “I thought I saw you at [Insert place]” message.

You “Did I see you at Linkers’ Bar last night? I thought you looked great”

Your ex will be thinking…

“I was at Linkers’ Bar last night… don’t remember seeing her…”

Then he’s going to be thinking…

“She’s been looking at other men.”

This second thought triggers the slight feeling of jealousy.

It’s also a sneaky compliment… telling him he looks great.

Quick Re-cap

Let’s stop for a couple of minutes and look at how our plan of action is progressing. All these stages must be done in this order, else you will muck it up.

1 – Send your first contact text message until you get a positive or neutral response.

2 – Start a short conversation with the happy memories text message.

3 – Send a subtle jealousy evoking text message.


1 – You must be positive.

2 – You must be confident.

3 – Text’s must be medium length. No one word texts, or five page long texts.

4 – Do not mention sex.

5 – Be emotionally neutral. Ie don’t get mad, don’t be too happy… just be neutral.

6 – Don’t try and push him to do something, like meet up with you.

Get a Little Personal

When you are going out with a man, you are part of each other’s lives. So… the next stage is to remind him of that, remind him of what it was like to have you in his life… the good bits of course. Don’t remind him of the bad, only the good.

The reminder text message:

You “Eastenders is on tonight at 7:30. I know how much you love to watch it”

You “Don’t forget Steve’s birthday like you did last year… oops!”

Support text messages:

If an event has occurred in his life… where… if you were his girlfriend you would support him… send a text to that effect.

You “Sorry to hear your granddad died. He sure knew how to hit a tennis ball”

You “I know how nervous you will be feeling about your job interview. I hope you get it.”

You “I heard you hurt your leg. Hope you get back on your feet soon.”

Whatever you say has to be genuine and congruent with your personality. He has to really believe you really mean what you say. He won’t be expecting this type of message, and if he has a new woman in his life, she may not be as caring as you, so your message will mean a lot to him.

Compliment text messages

These messages you have to work into a conversation. Don’t just send them out.

The key to compliments…is… you have to justify/explain them… and he has to really believe you mean it… else you will look like an ass kisser.

Think of these messages as flirting.

You “I always loved your deep blue eyes… they make you look so honest and trustworthy.”

You “I always loved your confidence. Made me feel comfortable with you”

Some people think these kind of compliments are kinda weak… but… if a man looked directly at you and said…

“I love your sparkling blue eyes… they make you look so beautiful.”

And he smiled at you for a few seconds… and walked off… wouldn’t you feel on top of the world?

Value text message

Here, you tell him how much you appreciated or valued him. Again, this is like the compliment text message… but… you are not complimenting his appearance.

You “Yes. I remember how you always told me the truth about the clothes I wear, in a nice way. I loved that quality you have.

You “You were always very good at choosing the right music for the occasion. One of your loveable qualities.”

Again, slip one of these into a text message conversation.

What I miss about the relationship text message

Here, you tell him what you miss about being with him. Remind him of happy memories you both share, and if possible… remind him of aspects of the relationship he is likely to miss. Do not mention sex or anything else intimate. Romantic memories are ok, only if the conversations you have been having have been generally positive.

Re-kindling romantic memories are like testing the water… to see if he’s ready for a date.

You “I’m in Regents Park right now. I remember walking with you, holding your hand, letting Rover run around the park and chase the squirrels.

The Meet

Phew, I’ve just checked, and I’ve written well over six thousand words.

We’re nearly at the end now. This last section is all about taking the risk and arranging a meet with your ex.

There are lots of different ways to do this. If you have been following the instructions I’ve given you here, your ex should have suggested you meet up in person by now. If he hasn’t, don’t worry, because I have a great plan for you.

The best way to do this, is to ring him up. Sending a text to ask for a meet is too weak and wimpy. By ringing up, you show you are serious about it.

Your phone call has to be kept pretty short, and your goal is to meet up for a cup of coffee, or something else low key and non-threatening. Avoid meeting up in a bar for an alcoholic drink, or in a restaurant where the pressure is on to have a two hour conversation. You want a fifteen to thirty minute meet up just to test the water.

The Call

Here are a few guidelines for you to follow:

1 – The call must seem innocent.

2 – Ring him up when you know for sure he will be available to talk to you privately.

3 – Keep the call short, pleasant and positive.

4 – Do not mention past bad memories or anything else negative.

5 – Do not come across as being desperate for the meet.

6 – Keep your expectations realistic.

7 – Do not call more than once in a day. If he doesn’t answer, try again the next day or the day after.

8 – Do not leave a voice mail message. You want to actually speak to him.

Two Ways to Play This One

You have two strategies to choose from…

First is the “I was just passing by” meet up. Second is the “lets meet up next week” tactic.

Choose which you prefer to use.

Choice 1 – ‘I was just passing by’ tactic. The aim of the phone call is to say… “I will be in your area later today, and wondered if you would like to catch up”.

The main benefit of this tactic is it allows you to try again some other day if he says no, because it’s not a planned meeting. You are just passing through, so let’s meet up.

If he says no, just say “That’s ok, it was short notice. Hope you have a great day” and hang up.

Choice 2 – ‘Lets meet up next week’ tactic. The aim of this call is to arrange a meet at some point in the near future. The key to getting this to work is… giving a clear reason WHY you want to meet up. Don’t tell him it’s because you want to get back together, just say I’d like to meet up, enjoy a cup of coffee with you and catch up. Keep it simple and low key, no pressure.

If he says yes, great!

If he says no… here’s how you respond.

Smile to yourself and say…

“It’s only a cup of coffee and a chat… “

The “Erm… I’m not sure” or the “No” will then change into an “OK”.

If he still says no… do not beg, get angry or try and talk him into it. Simply say “Ok”, end the call on a polite and positive note. Do not let any disappointment show in your voice. He will interpret that as desperation.

By ending on a high note, you leave the door open for more communication.

The Actual Meet Up

There are few simple rules for you to follow on the first meet up.

1 – Avoid calling it a ‘date’. It suggests romance, and it’s too early for that.

2 – Keep it casual. Just meet up for a coffee and a chat, or a leisurely stroll around the park.

3 – The aim is just to enjoy each others company.

4 – Avoid alcohol, and don’t get drunk!

5 – Don’t confess your un-dying love!

After the date, if things went well… tell him you’ll be in touch. Don’t just go for it.

Here’s what to do now

First… download a copy of my Case Study… where you will discover how my ex-girlfriend Sarah got me back after six months apart.

You will also discover how to get the very important first date with your ex-boyfriend… where he wants to meet up with you. Even if you have already met up with him since your break-up… he most likely wasn’t ready to crawl through broken glass to see you.

This case study shows you how to make him WANT to see you again.

Free Case Study

How Sarah got David back in six weeks… after a complex relationship… a terrible breakup and six months apart (true story).


BS Break-up Lines

It’s not you it’s me >>>

It’s YOU.

You’re just too nice >>>

You kissed my ass too much.

We are just too alike >>>

I find you really boring.

You just don’t get me >>>

You are just too dumb to understand me.


Top 5 First Date Worries For Men

1 – You will be different from what he expected.

2 – He won’t be the only man you are interested in.

3 – He will get physical too soon and blow it.

4 – You won’t go out on another date with him.

5 – He won’t be able to start a good conversation.

5 Things A Man Will Instantly Notice About You

1 – Your complexion (Tells a man how healthy you are)

2 – Pitch of your voice (High pitch voice more attractive than low voice)

3 – Hip to waist ratio (70/30 best)

4 – What’s fake about her (More fake stuff, false eye lashes etc… more high maintenance she is)

5 - Length, thickness and quality of your hair (Another health indicator)

5 Things You Should Never Say To A Man

1 - “We need to talk”

This produces the ‘oh shit’ reaction… and we go on the defensive.

2 - “Is she prettier than me?”

This is like the ‘Do I look fat in this’ question. We know that if we give the wrong answer… we are in big trouble… so we go on the defensive.

3 - “Don’t bother… I’ll do it myself”

That makes us feel useless and un-wanted… and we resent you for making us feel that way.

4 - “Did you sleep with her?”

This makes a man think… ‘If I say yes she’ll be unhappy with me, if I say no, she won’t believe me, so I’m screwed either way’. Men can be very self-conscious about their past sex life… just like a woman can be.

5 - “Nothing’s wrong”

When a man asks you ‘are you ok’, and you answer ‘yes’, even though you aren’t ok, we know you are lying, and we resent having to ask 50 questions to find out what the problem is.


David Coates

Born in the small town Shipley, ENGLAND

Born with a very bad stutter… I found it very difficult to speak... but as I got older... I discovered that women love men who are good listeners. They used to tell me their problems... and I got pretty good at giving advice.

I guess they felt safe telling me their secrets... because... given the fact I could hardly speak... I could hardly betray their trust…


How to get your ex-boyfriend back… permanently

List of articles

Having a genuine reason for wanting him back

How to get your ex-boyfriend back if HE cheated on you

How to get your ex boyfriend back if YOU cheated on him

How to get him back if he has a new girlfriend

How to get him back without looking desperate

How to know if he is using you

How to make your ex chase you

Mistakes a woman makes when getting her ex back

The no contact rule explained

The things you can do to pee off your ex

How to be an irresistible woman (natural beauty not required)

Using male psychology to get him back into your life permanently

What makes an ex-boyfriend want to come back to you

How to get him back if YOU broke up with him

How to get him back if HE cheated on you

What makes an ex come back after a break up



Next… after your successful first date… you must escalate from meeting for a simple cup of coffee and a chat… to dating him again. You do this by…

Changing how he feels about you…

I’ve got a simple four step system for you to copy… which is based on how my ex Sarah got me back into her life.


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